


no one's going to know

by heroedrey



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Guns, M/M, Philip has nightmares and doesn't tell anyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9093175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroedrey/pseuds/heroedrey
Summary: Philip has nightmares of the night at the cabin, but he never tells anyone because he promised Lukas he wouldn't tell anyone about what happened.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this same scene about 25 times so it's permanently burned into my mind but Philip needs to get some help, he's a sad boy and I hope he's going to be okay.

“Who are those guys?”

“I don’t know.” Philip watches the men outside the window, chest beginning to worry at Lukas’ unsteady words. He could handle Lukas’ father, not strange men who aren’t supposed to be here. “Get under the bed, now!” Lukas shoves at his shoulders, the men are coming toward the door, and there’s nowhere for them to run.

Lukas races towards the closet, and Philip drags himself under the bed, grabbing his jacket and holding it his arms and tries not to move. ( _His shirt! Where is it? He’s going to be caught half naked in a cabin with Lukas who doesn’t want anyone to know._ ) He can feel the old boards against the skin of his stomach, and Philip can only see their feet, in heavy boots and their voices are urgent.

“Get the door.” The door slams shut, trapping all of them in the room, Philip can’t figure out how many there are, he forgot to count before. One of the men starts frantically talking, but Philip isn’t listening, he’s trying to not breathe too loudly, and not shuffle and not move, and not move, and not move. The men are going to fight, it’s going to end up badly, Philip realizes, just as,

“Jesus, Chris, I’ll do it.” One says, “Move!” The speaker never has a chance, or maybe he does, Philip can’t tell who shots first only that a gun fires off two shots rapidly and he feels like he can’t breathe.

One man falls to the ground, he watches the body drop. 

Then another drops and he’s shaking, hands grabbing and clenching in the bundle of his jacket, and he stuffs his face into the fabric.

There’s silence for a moment. A face-off.

“Dude, it’s cool, man, all right?” The lone survivor, trying to talk down the shooter. “I’m with the FBI.” Those are the man’s last words, and Philip hears the last gunshot.

The man falls right in front of Philip’s face. Dead eyes stare at him. Blood pools from the gunshot wound and Philip doesn’t want it to touch him. He’s shaking, mouth buried into the fabric of his jacket to keep him from making a sound, please, keep him from making a sound. The shooter’s bare feet shuffle around the floor, moving closer, closer, Philip turns his head. He’s never been this terrified in his life, heart pounding, brain racing for a way to get out of it. If his hands were not tightly gripping the inside of the bundle of his jacket, they’d be shaking without any way to stop them.

The shooter stops in front of the bed, there’s a pause and Philip hopes that maybe, just maybe, he’ll go away. That he’ll leave and let them be. The blanket hanging down the side of the bed is whipped away and he can see the man’s face, he can see the gun pointed at his face, he can see his life flash before his eyes and he regrets, for a brief moment, ever coming out here with Lukas. Then his mind transitions into pleading mode, a constant stream of please, please, don’t kill me, please, I won’t tell anyone, please.

“Please,” Is all that comes out, his face turned, again, and buried in his jacket, “Please.” He can’t see the man point the gun more earnestly at him, he wants to face his death without having to see his killer.

And suddenly he’s still alive, there’s a crash, and the man drops to the floor in front of him. He doesn’t know why at first, his face reveals his shakiness, he’s shaken and Lukas just hit the man in the head with a frying pan to save his life, and Philip can’t move.

“Philip, come on!” Lukas is grabbing at him now, hands grabbing at his bare arm and all Philip can do is be dragged and stare at the unconscious man who just tried to kill him in addition to the other three men he’s already killed and whose bodies lie around the room. “We’ve got to go. Let’s go!” Lukas moves much faster than he can, nearly frozen, and he holds onto his jacket as Lukas grabs the gun, opening the cabin door and racing away from the dead bodies, and the unconscious man. He can barely breathe as he follows out the door, dragging his jacket on over his bare skin. Lukas throws something out into the woods ( _something, something, Philip doesn’t know_ ), and then rapidly turns and fires into the cabin. No one moves inside, but Philip suddenly has the gun in his hand,

“Dude, get the bike, go. Get the bike!” The never closed the door, Philip suddenly is shouting, and he’s holding the gun at the cabin in case the man comes out again, he can shoot him. Lukas rapidly returns, Philip swinging himself onto the bike, and they race away from the cabin, anywhere, anywhere. Neither of them speak, and Lukas keeps riding, further and further from the cabin, off the road, off any trails, and suddenly a clearing around the edge of the river. They stumble off of Lukas’ bike,

“What are you doing?” Philip mutters, the gun leaves his hands, and Lukas speaks harshly, hands cleaning the gun against his shirt.

“Listen to me. We can’t say anything to anyone.”

“Are you kidding me? He was going to kill us.” Philip’s voice is shaking, dreadfully, and he can’t get the image of the gun pointed at his head out of his face. He understood before, that Lukas didn’t want anyone to know, but that was an easy secret compared to this. Murder. “Who would blame you for killing him?” It wasn’t Lukas’ fault that man was likely dead, it was self-defense, it self-defense. ( _Lukas doesn’t want anyone to know he’s gay_ , he reminds himself.)

And then come the words, “You don’t get it! I’m not gay like you!” Philip nearly stumbles back, a combination of everything, Lukas’ harsh words the last of them. “No one even knows we talk, got it?” Philip’s senses have come back to him a little, his face has settled into a hardened mask, and he just stares at Lukas’ frantic face.

He jumps when Lukas raises the gun again, “It’s him!” Philip jumps behind Lukas, who fires off the gun again, deer move, and that’s all there is there. “Is that… is that a deer?” He sounds as if he’s never seen a deer before, his voice high and terrified.

“It’s a deer.” Philip has never been so relieved to see a deer in his entire life, hand sweeping over his face, hands resting over his mouth as he tries to breathe, just breathe. “We got to tell Helen.”

“Tell her what? That we were in the cabin, naked?” Lukas’ voice hasn’t lost its frantic edge, “No! Never gonna happen.” Philip watches Lukas’ face for a moment, before committing himself,

“Okay, well, I won’t say anything.” His voice is barely audible, shaky, and he can’t meet Lukas’ eyes. Lukas throws the gun in the river. It’s gone. It won’t be pointed at his face again. “He was going to kill me.” He’ll never stop seeing that gun pointed at his face, he’ll never stop seeing it, never. “If you hadn’t stopped him…” He knows, immediately, why he’s agreed not to tell Helen anything. “… if you hadn’t, if you hadn’t.” He feels like he’s going to lose his breath and Lukas drags him close, Philip grabbing at his waist, Lukas holding him tightly to his body. ( _He’s not dead, he’s not dead, he’s not dead._ )

 

And suddenly, Philip’s awake, he’s in the upstairs bedroom at Helen and Gabe’s and his hands fly to his mouth as he sits up, waking up from the constant nightmare of that night. He won’t make a noise even as his heart races and his breathing is unsteady, and he can’t tell. He promised.

His eyes stare blankly at the bed covers, the ridges that his legs make, ( _No one’s going to know about this, ‘cause you’re never going to tell them. No one’s going to know about this, ‘cause you’re never going to tell them. No one’s going to know about this, ‘cause you’re never going to tell them. You’re never going to tell them. You’re never going to tell them. You’re never going to tell them._ )

The words never stop repeating in his head.

He never stops seeing the gun pointed at his face.

The sound of the man hitting the ground after Lukas hits him doesn’t leave his head. It’s the middle of the night, he can’t wake up Helen or Gabe, he can’t tell them, he promised, and he can’t go back to sleep or it will all start over again. ( _Okay, I won’t tell anyone. Okay, I won’t tell anyone. Okay, I won’t tell anyone._ ) He hears Lukas’ frantic voice ringing in his ears, over and over and over and over. He hears his own shaky voice trying to come to terms with almost dying.

He stares at the blankets over his body, pulling his knees up to hug them tightly to his chest and stays like that, immobile and trying not to think, until the sun peaks over the horizon, until there’s noise downstairs and Helen and Gabe have woken up, and he doesn’t tell anyone about the nightmares.


End file.
